Ralph Lauren Gets It Wrong

The crest on a velvet jacket at Ralph Lauren's store in Boston a few days ago.

Polo Ralph Lauren was established in 1968*.  However, when they "borrowed" King Henry VIII's crest for one of their velvet jackets, someone got the banner wrong when they printed "MCMLXII". "1962"  

The crown is a hilarious touch.

Henry VIII's crest.

Fleur de Lis in threes and Leo in Trio.

For all the time and money they spend, they can't even come up with their own fake crests?  They have resorted to stealing those from the likes of Eton and others.  Emulating is one thing, but thievery is another... besides, I'm sure that Henry VIII would have been able to correctly write his Roman numerals. 

For the record, I rarely take crests seriously.

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I have clothing with the little horse on it, and I don't really mind that small quantity.  

But "RL" on your slippers?  Your name better be "Randolph Lattersly" or something similar. Why not put his initials on your stationary as well, or just go all the way and legally change your name?  Maybe you're actually a descendant of Marco Polo, in which case, I'll shut my mouth.

*There are conflicting reports as to when the company was founded, possibly mincing the actual incorporation with the concept launch.  I go with the business documents that all say 1968.

The Velveteen: Rehab It.

A recent thrift store find was this brown velvet(y) jacket (don't worry, I won't be homing in on the thrift-find territory).  It is a moderate velvet jacket, partially lined, exceedingly soft, but with some very disagreeable buttons depicting a cereal crop of some kind (if anyone wants them, I'll even pay the postage).  Also, the side-vented stern has two rips, and the seam is only the origin of the tears... they go a full inch into open fabric, making any potential repairs tough. At $4 for the whole get-up though, it is worth the try.

Irredeemably ugly buttons

Unforgivably bad

New (more attractive) Frog closures

 I dug around eBay for a bit, and ordered a dozen very small frog closures from China for $5.  A quick stop by Windsor Button in Boston for two larger frog closures, and then I brought the entire thing to the tailor.

 

Three of the new frog closures, already shedding their (likely toxic) strands.

The tear that inspired (required) the external gusset

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2 Weeks Later......

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The rips turned out to be difficult to repair, so two sets of opaque triple Flemish flakes were the only interesting way to cover the seams, and they make surprisingly passable external gussets.  They actually fasten together, but there will obviously be no need to undo them ever.

Stern View: The tops of each side-vent now conceal the repairs

I gave the front of this swarthling two new frogs to replace the buttons, and took further license to administer an equally poetic twist to non-functional flourish by giving each cuff its own plague of frogs... in mini-form and triplicate.

Exodus 8:2

Ten closures in all, but only one will ever be used

Combined with spotted silk for the neck and brown velvet slippers, I was was ready to do what I do best: Stand overly upright with drink in hand delivering my cocktail laugh to some pained-over anecdote of falsified social heroism before eventually returning same.

Brown velvet slippers and jacket

When the deck was finally coiled down, this entire senseless exercise in jacketry cost about $55.  So now I have a brown velvet jacket of questionable quality adorned in needlessly-fancied closures which consumed a few hours with hassle and can now be worn only occasionally and specifically, yet will still occupy closet space and annoyingly require regular care.  Perfect!