As you may know, I wear shoelaces made from World War II-era Allied parachute silk spun into mili-coils around a braided jute core and wrapped in a sheath of bias-woven organic cotton (51% Carolinian / 49% Egyptian). Each shoelace takes 8-10 months to produce and requires three separate fittings. The laces are then hand-waxed in England by Barbour and cooled in a French wine cellar for three months. Finally, the aglets are made from brass salvaged from a sunken Napoleon-era 6-pound cannon, and sealed with a natural vegetable resin formulated by Basotho artisans. No man should leave the house in laces that cost less than $18,000.
In other words, I buy my shoelaces from the drugstore and pay about $1 for a package of four. I tend to prefer the slim round type over the flat "tape" style.
This is where it gets stupidly specific (and real). Laces need stretch/give and maneuverability through the eyelets of your shoes for both putting on and for walking, and waxed laces don't allow for it. However, waxed laces keep your shoes tied better than anything else, and unwaxed ones will never stay in place with a simple knot. The best laces, therefore, might be unwaxed in the middle half, and waxed at the end quarters. Nerdy, but true.
The solution (and this is where I'm not joking) is to buy unwaxed laces, and wax the ends yourself. You will need:
1. Beeswax
2. Four-to-six seconds of free time
Beeswax is preferred because it is colorless and won't bleed onto canvas shoes, pants, or a boat's deck.
Even some candle wax will do. You can be as fancy as you'd like. Use your Barbour wax dressing on your laces to let people know that you have WAY too much free time / no social life.
It's likely that another men's style blog has already provided this advice, but I couldn't be bothered to check. This technique is used by sailors to keep (cotton or leather) laces tied after drenching and sloshing, and waxed leather laces on polished Top-Siders is a sure sign that someone is familiar with boats.
wow you paid too much. you have to wait for the mark downs, bro. all my laces were bought for $900 per...i got them on sale at neiman's...
ReplyDeleteSounds like a deal to me. I pay $3800 an inch for my laces, spun together from the tail hair of a unicorn. Beeswax, you say? The unicorn's tears hold my laces together.
ReplyDelete*Scott: What is impressive to me is not that you pay $3800/inch or that they are made of unicorn hairs. I am impressed that you have a way to regularly make unicorns cry.
ReplyDeleteMaking unicorns cry is pathetically easy--all you have to do is show them all the maudlin and schlocky depictions of themselves in American popular culture.
ReplyDeleteEven without parachute silk and brass cannons, you don't know how privileged you are to just go to the store and buy laces. Here in Taiwan, replacement laces are of abysmal quality, and even the stores that sell good shoes tend not to sell laces. I end up importing them from the U.S.
I'm not sure if you are serious about the wax trick. I might give it a try my next trip home; I still have blocks of beeswax from oboe playing--it is used for much the same reasons you specify, when applied to the silk thread used for tying oboe reeds.
--Road to Parnassus
*Road-To-Parnassus: I was being serious about waxing them. Send me a mailing address and length requirements, and I'll ship a supply over to you next time you're in a pinch.
ReplyDelete"Making unicorns cry is pathetically easy". This is in my top five best comments now.
DeleteYou're on a roll.
ReplyDeleteMundane, but I was just thinking of this very issue this morning, as I'm walking in to work, and shoes came untied. This pair of laces is particularly prone. So I wondered, what type of laces would best replace them?
ReplyDeleteThank you, sir. I'll give this a shot.
Does this work on leather laces for some boat shoes?
ReplyDelete*JKG: I wake up too early.
ReplyDelete*Dustin B: Any type I think, but the smaller the better.
*VC.HCI: It certainly does work with leather laces on boat shoes.
DeleteI have a pair of Thousand Mile boots that this solution would be perfect for. Cheers.
ReplyDelete