Thursday, June 2, 2011

Summer Also Brings...

Now that summer is here, it's "open season" (as the Elegantologist correctly says).  It is now safe to switch to striped woolen one-pieces for mustachioed beach-side dumb-bell lifting and straw boaters for afternoon velocipedary (not actually a word).

I knew that summer had arrived when I saw the following during my stroll to the waterfront:

In a blog-world where socklessness seems to occupy innumerable debates, very few are facing the reality.  Cloth interiors of shoes will eventually spell (smell) disaster.  Leather shoe-innards resist stinkfoot a little better than cloth, and the images above tell me that (1) a male lives there and (2) he has a female romantic interest.  In college, I sailed in sockless converse low-tops (not Top-siders as I now tend to).

converse ox low top

One summer, I lost four pair of them by romantic interests demanding that they be thrown away.  During a sail passage from Bonaire to Haiti, the third mate threw a pair overboard while I slept in my bunk.  The ship's medical officer then ordered the entire fo'c'sl to immediately powder with Gold-Bond on a thrice-daily interval.  It worked well, and I got to keep my next pair of converse.  Keep it on the feet ONLY unless you like adventure.

And speaking of mix-ups, I recently ruined a morning when I blindly grappled for a toothpaste tube (my son's)  in the dark as the boat swayed at anchor.  These were side-by-side.

Dear Tom's of Maine,

Please discontinue putting toothpaste into flip-top dispensers.  The world is fully accustomed to toothpaste with screw-top closures, and this reinvention has caused me severe trauma.  For God's sake... why use tubes associated with skin topicals anyway?  It was bad enough when every water bottle decided to take cap designs from imitation-syrup containers and call them "sport" tops.


- - - - - - -

Dear Burt's Bees,

Your sun-screen (30 SPF) seems to work very well at preventing sunburn, but the taste leaves much to be desired.


Tan-suited, stripe-socked, and spot-tied.  May your only summer mixes all be drink.


  1. See you next week, Sportsman. Bring an extra liver.

  2. North End!

    Stawberry toothpaste? Buy the poor kid some Crest!

  3. Uck...the horror. I've brushed with worse though. Too ashamed to admit which product it was.

  4. Excellent! Classic. Thanks for brightening my Monday morning.

    Under the influence, I once mistook a bottle of Truefitt & Hill 1805 cologne for a bottle of lens cleaner, with predictably traumatic results for my peepers the next day.


Let's keep it clean... but if you DO have to get foul, at least give it a bit of wit. Also, advertising disguised as comments will be deleted, unless it is clever.